As you may have guessed this blog post is going to be in parts, mainly due to the amount of content this subject involves. The subject being my mild Autism, and how i deal with it so to speak. Now some of you may or may not have an understanding of what it means to be autistic, unfortunately for you (well & for me) i can’t really explain it and i don’t fully understand it either (yeah, i know that kinda sucks!).
For this particular post or part if you will, there is one thing of which i can offer you in a way of an explanation. So here we go! I would like to introduce you all to Mr. A, this guy represents the Autistic side of me. For a long time he has had control over my life. He still tries his best to make me avoid a whole host of social interactions which i obviously can’t and don’t want to do. If Mr. A had it his way i would be a hermit and social recluse and would not even look at another person, let alone talk to someone (ah god forbid!). However, over time Mr. A’s grip has loosened a little, allowing me to meet new people and go outside without feeling overwhelmingly anxious and uncomfortable. I still have days where i struggle to talk to people and build the possible interactions up in my head so much that even asking for a coffee at Costa can feel like the weight of the world crushing down upon my chest. If you are reading this and also have Autism, you I’m sure will be enthusiastically nodding your head in agreement right now. If you do not i hope that this blog post opens your eyes to the to real challenges that people like me with Autism face on a daily basis.
I shall explain the role that Mr. A plays within my life by providing some examples of this role so to speak. For example he makes it so that i struggle excessively to talk to people behind desks, check-out, receptions, counters and tables. Oh! and guess what i don’t know or understand why. Thank you so very much Mr. A! Anyway, these examples will be shown by me saying what i would like to do, and what he wishes i would do (by the way i am in no way shape or form schizophrenic). Without further ado i shall get on with it, like you all want.
Going out & being sociable:
Me: Personally I love the idea of going out and meeting people, having a drink and listening to bands like: Motorhead, Iron Maiden & Black Sabbath, hmmmmmm! Sounds like heaven.
Mr. A: You know what would be so much better, doing all that just without meeting people and going out. Just in a room by yourself, that’s better as there is no crowd. So that means you don’t have to deal with people or public transport, because you are not made for this meeting people and going out lark.
Going to the shop:
Me: That’s fine i can do that, what could be simpler! At the end of the day if you want things you have to go and get it and pay for it. Couldn’t be easier, right!
Mr. A: Yeah simple but! You have to talk to people when you go to the shops, which includes the person at the checkout and we both know how you struggle with that! Not to mention you’re not good at maths or thinking on the spot and in this type of situation involves both doesn’t it. How about you just don’t go, unless you can convince someone to go along with you.
I think one more example should help with your possible understanding of how my mild autism affects me and my life.
Meeting new people:
Me: I always want or like the idea of people seeing me as outgoing, confident and a funny person when I first meet them.
Mr. A: You’re a shy person you know this and will do well to remember this. Don’t be silly now, just keep quite and be polite but don’t make a fool of yourself by trying to all those ridiculous things (i mean who do you think you are).
So you can see autism is not a walk in the park, it is extremely frustrating for me and without the love and support I have, or the drive I have been given then i wouldn’t have achieved what i have today nor got as far in life as i have today. Just to let you all know if you have giggled or even laughed at what i have written don’t feel bad or like you’re a bad person, because I simple don’t mind. The thing is I myself find my autistic side funny, and i think it is important to see the funny side without being judgemental or hurtful. Part 2 should be coming soon, thank you all for taking the time to read this and as always please don’t hesitate to comment or share my blog with anyone and everyone.
Failure to comply 